I’ve struggled with anxiety for the last couple years now. Every now and then the crippling fear that I am overwhelmingly insufficient in all aspects of my life consumes me and I quickly climb into my dark corner of the world for a couple days. In those moments, I’ve found I’m best when left alone until I get out of my own head. Now these moments haven’t come too often but since finding out I’m pregnant I feel like it’s been creeping up more than I’d like to admit. Especially when it comes to going to the gym again, I instantly hear this voice in the back of my brain saying, ‘Don’t go, you haven’t gone in weeks, everyone will be judging you, you’re so weak now.’ Or even simple trips to the store alone can leave me feeling like I just can’t leave the house and the best thing to do is to wait until Hunter can go with me. It’s hard to explain and typing it out seems silly and embarrassing. I know these thoughts are irrational, but that’s the thing with anxiety, it doesn’t care about being rational. I definitely worry that my anxiety will only get worse the further along I get and I can’t even imagine what I’ll be like after baby comes. (I think all mommies go through this to some extent?)
Someone once told me that having anxiety means you’re living in the future and experiencing depression means you’re living in the past. (I’m very aware that depression is a proven chemical imbalance in your brain and is not just something you can ‘get over’ or ‘let go of’ so please don’t think I’m downplaying it in anyway!) Lately I’ve been working on re-centering myself whenever I begin to feel like I’m getting overwhelmed. I remind myself to be present in this moment and stop overthinking situations that only get me worked up and anxious. It usually works but sometimes it doesn’t and that’s okay. Along with working on taking a breath when feeling anxious, knowing when to just let it happen is also important.
Any mommas have suggestions or experience with this same worry about their anxiety?